Noisy Neighbours

Hmmm - I wonder if writing letters of complaint in poem form meets with a more efficient response? I will let you know - I've sent the "Oh Ken" poem off to the mayor's office, and here's another one, to my local council.

It started some weeks ago,
And continued many nights in a row,
For above me live some boys
Who make a lot of noise
All night long –
It’s very wrong

Around eleven-thirty
I hear them get flirty
With some girls who are there
And they really don’t care
Who it annoys –
Well, after all, they are boys!

Around midnight
They start to play-fight
It’s the noise I can’t bear
I don’t know how they dare
Then I hear the doors slam
They don’t give a damn

I cannot take any more –
This banging on the floor
Lying in my bed
I can hear it above my head
Their endless screams
Even permeate my dreams

They play music too loud
But I am too proud
To go up there in pyjamas
They’d think me bananas
And anyway – as a single gal
I can’t confront them without a pal

So what did I do?
I contacted you
The Dept of Environmental Health
Which receives a great wealth
From our council tax –
And this gets up our backs

At this I must moan –
‘cos when I picked up the ‘phone
There was nobody there –
Do you not care
About noise at night?
Why must I fight?

Only to find
That you’re not very kind;
It’s acceptable for –
Between daytime hours of nine and four -
Neighbours to make noise
Just like those boys

I don’t wish to deflect
But to this I object
There is no way
That during the day
I would wish to complain
Or launch a campaign

Against any noisy lad –
However bad –
But it is simply not correct
To assume I’m a woman kept
Do not sneer –
I have a career!

It makes me fume
How you assume
We are around during the day
And for this we should pay
We did you elect*
And you must us protect

But what did you say
We can help you no way –
Even though you pay
We just do as we may
For you the solution
Is to speak to Noise Pollution

So: you pass the buck
You just don’t give a
F
U
C
K
I gave Noise Pollution a ring
Though they too wouldn’t do a thing

So I went to the top
And called in a cop
But they don’t care
Unless the neighbours dare
To indulge in mugging
Or illegal drugging

I just wanted to mention
This terrible tension
Council of Tories
I’m asking you please,
Make the upstairs tenants
Do their just penance

* Not me – I would never vote Tory!