17 January 2008

1997 and the Cultural Legacy of Girl Power


In 1997, I was living in Paris, existing on cigarettes and coffee (but still horribly fat), dating a musician called Jean-Pierre, and writing a thesis on decolonisation of the French empire and its demographic effects on the Parisian Jewish community. I qualified as a manicurist, worked at a salon called Jusqu’au Bout des Ongles, and dyed my hair pink.

Back in London, Five Feisty girls were jumping around in their platforms, banging on about Girl Power. And now the Spice Girls are back.

An article I read this week downplayed the cultural significance of the Spice Girls and the media interest their reunion has generated, dismissing them as of their time. I have to disagree. The Spice Girls represent more than mere transient, poptastic fun. 1997, devoid as it was of i-pods, Facebook and funky ringtones, was a highly significant year, in the way that the final years of a century always are. In 1997, the foundations were laid for the culture in which we exist today, and this was never epitomised better by anyone but the Spice Girls (except perhaps Peter Mandelson, but that’s another story…) Here’s why:

Around 1997, we started to see a new, different kind of openness in the media. Journalistic discourse shifted to the more confessional, with John Diamond writing about his battle with cancer in the Times, Ruth Picardie doing the same in the Observer, and Helen Fielding and Candace Bushnell semi-biographically diarising the relationship dilemmas of the modern woman. Around the same time, Germaine Greer started to lose the plot (it would be 2 years before she insulted F at an academic conference) and suddenly, we were talking about post-Feminism as though the Second Wave had never happened.

Spin ruled over substance. The rise and rise of the PR person, satirised in Absolutely Fabulous, seeped into politics in more aggressive ways than before (New Labour, anyone?), and celebrity ruled. Everyone became an idol. Tony Blair fashioned himself as the leader of the People; Diana was the People’s princess. In the Netherlands, a little known show called Big Brother was in production. It would later come to the UK, playing on our materialistic aspirations, encouraging us to reach the dizzy heights of vacuous celebrity for having achieved nothing.

One may, then, be forgiven for dismissing the emergence of any new celebrity phenomenon in such a fast -paced and short-lived vacuum as a five minute wonder. This may be true of Big Brother contestants, but not of the Spice Girls.

In an era of Feminist uncertainty, the Spice Girls redefined our way. Post the emasculating Thatcher years, the only Feminism we knew was homogenising and reductive, decidedly unfeminine and arguably excluded self expression. The Spice Girls introduced multiplicity into our discourse. They had balls and boobs and non gender-specific categories of identity.

That 4 of the 5 girls are now mothers and 3 of them have been plagued by persistent rumours of eating disorders is immaterial to their success. It is amazing and rare and absolute testament to their cultural significance that the Spice Girls have been able to achieve that level of success without critics reducing them to their biological function.

Now that’s Girl Power.

15 January 2008

Having Enough of Having It All


Who told women they could have it all? The person ought to be shot.

Statistics reported in The Independent today raise concerns about the rising age of motherhood. This is – rightly – presented specifically as a health issue, rather than a social concern. However, the article includes the annoying bleatings of a couple of (educated, middle-class, affluent, career) women, bemoaning the double standards of a society that pats Rod Stewart on the back for reproducing in his 60s, but cautions women over the age of 35 against having children. A female gynaecologist was even forced to apologise for urging women to bear children before the age of 30. Based on the available research and statistics of the health complications involved in older mothers (not to mention the strain placed on the NHS), her advice seems very sensible to me.

It is also important to separate these findings from the social implications of the female backlash to such caution. The director of a fertility clinic (gender unspecified) is quoted in the article as saying that society is imposing a “massive strain” on women by “forcing” them to choose between family and career. I disagree. I think that the pressure women feel under to “have everything” comes from women themselves, and that actually, “society” has been more than generous to women who choose to actively raise children and pursue a career.

The idea that women can – and should – be able to have children and take time off work to bring up their families, while at the same time enjoying the same privileges and opportunities as those in the workplace (male and female) who prioritise their careers is seriously misguided. It also serves to undermine the feminist cause from which it originated. First, because it posits an unachievable ideal (no one can have everything), and secondly because why should women who choose to be mothers be entitled to more than everyone else? As time has evolved, the concept of maternity leave has become unhelpful to the feminist cause (whatever the hell that is these days), because the benefits available to working women suggest a societal prioritisation of female biological destiny. Neither does it serve to promote the ideal of overall equality in the workplace: who else is allowed to take paid time off work to pursue their narcissistic desires?

Equality should be about generating choice and options for everyone, not privileging one group of people above another, and certainly not putting so much pressure on one group that you end up taking away their choice. Let’s be realistic: no one can have everything, and it is symptomatic of a very specifically western capitalist greed to expect otherwise.

Am I still a Feminist?

04 January 2008

Bilan de 2007


Well I have been extremely blog passive for the last few months, but I love D's round up so much, i will attempt one myself. Here goes:

Best Moment of 2007: Oh God, as committed, strong independent women of substance, should obviously say getting new job. Have to admit it might have been acquiring boyfriend though. Am failure to feminist cause, as would be no good as radical separatist.

Worst Moment of 2007: On my way to interview for aforesaid new job, the taxi driver got horribly lost, and drove me to the Northcott Theatre, rather than Northcote House. He then proceeded to careen all around the university campus in circles, while I felt horrendously car sick and increasingly panicked. I finally spotted a sign that said "pedestrian route to Northcote House" and ordered him to stop, at which point he accused me of being "a fucking bitch" who lied about my destination to avoid paying the fare! He chucked me out of the cab and drove of at high speed with the door still open, and in my rush to get out of the cab, I lost my mum's umbrella. I then had to go to an interview in tears, fifteen minutes late, hyperventilating, with mad hair, torn between a murderous desire to kill all taxi drivers and an equally strong desire to simply go to bed and wish it had all never happened.

Most Satisfying Moment in 2007: look on my former boss's face when he realised I was leaving and he was going to lose my RAE points! ha!

Least Satisfying Moment of 2007: being harangued in the street by a beggar in Bordeaux who told me I was so enormous I could be used to block the Garonne. This was because I refused to say good night to him.

Best Present of 2007: My friend S gave me a leaving present which consists of a frame still from her latest DVD, an art installation project on movement and stasis in Belfast. It is a unique print that no-one else in the world will have ever, and it is wonderful. The installation is currently being shown at a gallery in Havana, Cuba.

Best meal of 2007: has to be oysters and mussels at the cafe pineau in cap ferret. idyllic setting, great food, wonderful friends.

Worst meal of 2007: mistaking curry sauce for tomato ketchup and slurping sticky, gross curry sauce all over my bratwurst. Bratwurst smelt foul and was inedible.

Best exhibition of 2007: I think it would have to be the Surrealist exhibition at the V and A, although both Citizens and Kings at the Royal Academy and the Millais at Tate Britain come close.

Best Film of 2007: The Lives of Others. Emotionally satisfying, narratively gripping, and with a wider historical and political sense.

Number of weddings attended: 4

Number of funerals attended: 0

Number of days was paid twice: One ( a good day though).

02 January 2008

2007 - The Round-Up





Best moment of 2007
It has been an annus horribilis, as Her Maj would say. Nothing good happened in 2007

Worst thing that happened in 2007
Am spoiled for choice here. It’s a toss-up between the following:

-New Year’s Day 2007 (should have known then) when my date went horribly wrong and then someone tried to mug me and I ended up stabbing myself with my own umbrella (floored the mugger, though!)
- Being made redundant and spending the rest of the year wishing I’d moved to Italy and kept my job (will never understand my own logic)
- Putting myself on a dating website
- Months of chronic insomnia, exacerbated by the torturous belief that if I went to sleep I would have to wake up in the morning, get out of bed and resist the urge to end my own life. Yes, it really was that bad
- When I think about it though, I am amazed (and clearly very vacuous) by the realisation that the worst thing that happened to me in 2007 – and believe me, it’s bad – is that I gained weight and can no longer fit into my Size Zero hotpants.

Most spectacular wardrobe malfunction in 2007
Runner-up: Accidentally exposing my left nipple (again! – see last year’s round-up), this time to dearest Ken, our revered Mayor of London
Winner: The pink post-it/breast moment

Number of parties attended in 2007
Approximately 365

Amount of really grim vomiting stories resulting from said partying in 2007
At least 5 stand out. I was too out of it to notice the other 360

Celebrity sightings in 2007
- Stephen Spielberg (at a private section of the beach in Malibu – I know all the right people, dahhhling)
- An American Idol contestant (at The Grove in LA)
- Several Big Brother contestants (must start frequenting less tacky places)
- Princess Beatrice (must start frequenting less pretentious places)
- Noel Gallagher and Sara MacDonald (on Wigmore Street)
- Russell Brand (swoon! – in various places)
- David Gest (in Gilgamesh)
- India Knight (in Gilgamesh)
- Ross Kemp, Rachel Stevens, Jeremy Edwards (separately – on Christmas Eve)
- Noel Fielding (outside Annex Trois. J’s sister is a mad fan, and he called her and got Noel Fielding to speak to her, while I pointed my camera ‘phone in his face and took a blurry picture, and Noel Fielding’s friend told me I was out of order
- George Michael (at Café Nero in Hampstead). In fact, it wasn’t him at all, but for weeks, my friend I and I sat there staring at him marvelling at how little he was, until one Sunday he removed his cap and sunglasses and turned out to be black and not George Michael at all
- Les Dennis (scraping the bottom of the barrel here – coming out of the George Michael concert in June)

Amount of men dated in 2007
In excess of 50. I’m not joking

Best date of 2007
The one in the rain with the 22 year old. There was another good one somewhere in 2007, but it all ended in tears, tantrums, a little stalking, a lot of obsessing, and J threatening to call the police on me. My first date with The French One was quite fun too, until we were asked to leave the bar on account of "lewd and inappropriate behaviour". How very George Michael of us.

Worst date of 2007
Again: several contenders. The New Year’s Day date with the food diary and vitamins was not my proudest moment. I had a particularly awful date back in August with someone who had worked in Ghana and the only social observation he had returned with was the proliferation of prostitutes he had had to fend off. He said this proudly, as though they were women with a choice who had chosen to find him attractive. (I couldn’t even imagine a nymphomanic animal wanting to shag him. I left after 5 minutes.) Or the date where we had a shouting argument about the taxation system. He was a facist aged 37 who still lived with his parents and regurgitated their dated, suburban rhetoric to anyone who would listen. I would not.

Sanest and most functional man dated in 2007
The 22 year old

Number of times heart broken in the cruelest and most achingly painful manner possible
Erm, just the once, thankfully

Place discovered in 2007 where one can find – should one be mad and so wish – the highest ever concentration of pathetic, indecisive, dysfunctional, unreconstructed Mummies’ Boys
JDate

Number of evil bitch sisters (EBSs) who extorted flat out of mother in 2007 while i was miserable, unemployed and penniless
One. (The other EBS only managed to extort a holiday out of her.)

Amount of months spent not on speaking terms with said EBS, following pointless argument over tactical voting in general election
Eight (in sane families, people fall out over money)
Click here for an example of my family’s insanity

Number of lovely long-lost musician cousins befriended in 2007
Two. They are twins.

Number of new jobs in 2007
Two

Number of new jobs that made me want to poke eyes out and in which was forced to work in all-male office of racist, xenophobic, sexist, unreconstructed, hateful individuals, but that in hindsight only took because recruitment consultant was manipulative and good at her job, and because i was desperate, depressed, deluded and unemployed
One. One too many, though.

Number of new jobs in which slightly quirky boss is endeared by my scattiness
One

Number of self-help books read in 2007
Clearly not enough

31 December 2007

Happy New Year!


Am about to host a New Year's party. Why? Why? The original idea was to avoid drama at all costs, so fingers crossed. After all, what can go wrong if I am hosting my own party and not leaving my own home?


Am somewhere between serene/calm and full-on nervous breakdown right now...


I am SO glad to see the back of 2007.


Happy New Year!

25 December 2007

Spotted!

This one is hilarious. I was at the Washington (pub) in Belsize Park last night. Rachel Stevens and Jeremy Edwards were in there. I was sitting outside in the freezing cold (I was with smokers; post smoking ban in London, there is little choice!), when I spotted Ross Kemp (Grant Mitchell in Eastenders) sitting in the back of a Mercedes, just across the road.
Just then, a car pulled up on the same side of the road as me, and some drunken lads called out to their friend to join them in the car. A prolonged scuffle ensued, as the inebriated group attempted to manoeuvre their mate into the car. By this point, Ross Kemp had got out of the Mercedes, and was standing on the pavement, just a few yards away from me and the car of drunken guys. They noticed him standing there.

"Hey! It's Grant Mitchell! Grant! Oy, Grant! Hey, you know Phil Mitchell is gay!"

Ross Kemp took one look at them, and snarled: "So are you, you prick!"

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

10 December 2007

We're Live!


OK, check it out!

The much awaited new dating blog is live.

Check it out, and do give feedback!


The Only Way is Up



Update! I have a new job. After a hellish year of upheaval and uncertainty, I am back in the City and loving it.

My new boss, S, is brilliant. When I arrived at the company, full of cynicism and convinced that all men over the age of 38 (it’s a rough estimate) in the workplace hate me and seek to destroy my career, I was only on a temporary contract. On Day 3, S offered me the job permanently and cancelled all remaining interviews with the other candidates. S, of course, is gay. He is also on a low-carb diet, used to train with one of my trainers at the gym, firmly believes that daily physical exercise is the key to a focused mind, and nodded sympathetically when I complained to him that the photo on my security pass makes me look as though I have just had a very obvious botox treatment.

"What are your weaknesses?" he asked me.

"I am very scatty," I told him. (It’s true; as my friend S says, I can write a business plan, but I can’t dress myself.)
"Yes, you are scatty," he smiled. "But you’re also very comfortable with yourself – you are true to yourself and don’t try to be someone you’re not, and I really love your quirkiness."

"Tell me," I said. "How did you manage to discern my scattiness after only 3 days? I was, after all, on my best behaviour."

"Well," he said. "This morning, when you were showing the Chief Exec into my office, you had a bright pink post-it note stuck to your breast, and you didn’t realise."

Oh, yes, the post-it note. I remember sticking it to the front of my dress when I had no free hands, intending to throw it away before I entered his office. Written on it was a reminder to myself to book a session of colonic hydrotherapy.

"That post-it note got you the job," he chuckled.

02 November 2007

Much Ado About Nothing


Sorry once again for abject crapness in keeping the blog current. For my part, the last year has gotten progressively worse, and writing about my life at the moment will only make it worse. I know how I feel; I don't need to sit here, relive my feelings and see the tragic synopsis in front of me, written in black and white. I'll leave it there and hope things get better soon...

29 September 2007

Ageing Disgracefully



Oh god. I'm thirty bloody one (it's my birthday today). I would moan about the misery that is my life at the moment (hate new job and concerned that will not get past probation period, which is on Monday; am slightly broken-hearted, resulting from complex situation that has effectively ruined a good friendship, have no money, etc etc - oh god, am even more depressed now) - I would moan about the above, but am frankly more concerned about how I will ever fit into the all-in-one hotpants ensemble I intend to wear tomorrow night to my bday celebrations. Will have to book emergency colonic tomorrow.
Two things happened tonight; one lovely and one interesting. My downstairs neighbour, M, (whom I have never met, as am never home and I am a v un-neighbourly Londoner) found me outside, smoking emergency cigarette (always, on the eve of my bday), and invited me round for (way too much) vodka and a bitching session about all men. Made me feel lots better.

Then, met I in Soho for more drinks. We were chatted up by lovely guy. To cut a long story short, we learned that we are intimidating to men (I is stunning, but I fail to see how I could have intimidated anyone tonight. I had got caught in the rain sans umbrella and was wearing an old pair of jeans I usually reserve for wearing when I'm cleaning the house). But anyway. Apparently, the way we walk into a bar spells "out of my league", and that's why no one will approach us.

You know what? I give up. Again. It's just a long, tragic descent to 40 now...

22 August 2007

Update



We've all been neglecting the blog, and we're very sorry! Facebook has kind of taken over as our favoured displacement activity. Here's a quick update from me:

P (the naughty one who never blogs) has just got married. The celebrations were fantastic - it even stopped raining for about 5 minutes - and I have only just recovered from my hangover.

I have been dating the world. I exaggerate not. Never one to do anything by halves, I am dating no less than 10 people. I have had to set up a spreadsheet to remind me who is who and when I am seeing each one. Had a minor crisis yesterday when I realised I had set up 2 dates for tomorrow night, but could not remember with whom, and would end up standing one of them up. Then I remembered that we are meant to be going out tomorrow night to celebrate L's birthday, so I couldn't make either date. I have sorted it out now, but am skating on v thin ice.
I am exhausted from it all. But I have many stories, which I shall share on the soon-to-be-launched new blog I am setting up with my (male) friend J on the dating scene. Sorry it is taking so long - it is completely J's fault and not mine, as we have agreed to write a little introductory blurb about each other, and he is refusing to write mine until he sees what I write about him. And I am too busy dating at the moment to write anything. However, I forgive him, as he kindly reassured me the other day when I went crying to him about my unrequited crush that I am indeed fanciable - when I am not being a mad, obsessive stalker. More about that some other time. And yes, this is the same crush from 3 months ago that I am STILL trying to get over, despite declaring at the time that I refused to waste 3 months obsessing.

Oh, and Love God has been calling and texting me 5 times a day. At least he was, until he discovered my friend M on the dating site. Now he is pursuing her.

My life is a soap opera.

29 July 2007

Love God: The Sequel


Love God is back on the scene. As I logged onto the dating site yesterday afternoon, his grinning face popped up onto my screen. This member wants to IM you, I was notified. I couldn’t resist.

Me: Well, well, well, if it isn’t Love God. How the hell are you?
LG: D, you sexy princess… when do I get to see you again?

We catch up on briefly on our dating experiences; I reveal only that I am nursing a bruised heart, trying in vain to prove to myself that there are plenty of other like-minded men on here I will click with, and that I am not looking for anything heavy; he tells me about the 2 failed relationships he has had since we last met. And then:

LG: So – you gonna come out and play again
Me: [in spite of self] Yeah, why not? But platonically…
LG: [clearly having not brushed up on his charm skills in the interim]: U mean I can’t undress you one day?
Me: Don’t push it, babe

Oh, what the hell? I left him my number and logged off.

24 July 2007

Spotted in the Big Apple

John Travolta. Alas, not wearing a white suit, earning money making pizzas by day, and letting it all hang out on the disco scene at night. Rather, being filmed walking in and out of a tanning salon, while hundreds of people took photos on their cell phones from behind a barrier. I didn't take a photo from behind the barrier, but probably more because I have a v crap phone that would not have been able to focus from that far away, than my own awareness of the absurdity of celebrity culture.

22 July 2007

It's a Small World


First of all, a confession: I am back on the dating website. Yes, I know I swore I’d never do it again, and I guess I can’t deny that a tiny part of me is looking… but really, I had 2 motivations for doing it:





  1. I had 38 unread messages in my inbox, which I couldn’t access unless I resubscribed, and I was curious


  2. I am really trying to move on from recent experiences and prove to myself that there are men out there who share a similar vision and purpose to their life, who have a social conscience, who don’t try to fit me in a box (or indeed a 5 bedroom home in suburban hell and try to immediately impregnate me), and with whom I can share a deep intellectual conversation, or visit an art gallery with or at least have an enjoyable coffee without one of us wanting to poke the other’s eyes out


It turns out, there are no men meeting these requirements. Although at least I am making an effort to move on.

But what is most alarming – and this is moving on from our recent discussions on related matters – is that between the dating website and Facebook, I feel as though my world is closing in on me. I recognise a lot of the people on the site as friends of friends on Facebook, and have not been able to contact some guys, as I know them to be either friends of friends I have dated, or – worse – ex-partners of friends of mine, where I know the history, and would be causing problems by getting involved.

The classic example occurred yesterday. It emerged that a guy I am meeting this afternoon (afternoon tea at Claridges, darling – for that pretentious reason alone, I know it’s never going to happen with him) knows both my sisters, and is completely mortified to have arranged a date with me (charming!). He has begged me not to tell either of them how we met – and even more alarmingly, he actually said to me that “should it become necessary in the future to disclose to them…” Eeek! I only agreed to a date, and I have made it clear I am not looking for anything other than a friend.

I have been going on a flurry of dates in the last 3 weeks in my bid to move on. I have enough material to write a book (and, oh, I probably will – some of the stories are utterly priceless). But honestly, all I want at the moment is to stay single, sociable, happy, fulfilled, and to move on!

I’ll keep you posted...

15 July 2007

Celebrating Difference, Diversity, Individuality and Equality Through the Arts


I have always been suspicious of any governmental scheme that sounds as though it is promoting spin and soundbite over substance. I have also been highly critical of the government’s policies on education. So I have never paid much attention to the “Fresh Start” scheme, which focuses on seriously underperforming state schools, where all options for improvement have been unsuccessfully exhausted. The school is closed and reopened on the same site, and is subject to reorganisational procedures.

A friend of mine is a dance teacher at one such school. Yesterday, the pupils staged a performance which she had helped to put together, and she invited me along to watch. What I saw of the performance, the school, the pupils and the dedication of the staff not only impressed me, but moved me practically to tears.

This particular school, located in an underprivileged area of central London, is a specialist arts and media school. Through the media of music, dance, drama and art, the school asserts its ethos of drawing out the potential of each child and instilling in them a thirst for learning, while bridging cultural, ethnic and religious divides. In addition to this, the school is committed to community-wide projects. These involve working with various arts foundations to benefit the pupils, as well as organising adult learning schemes in which the wider community may participate.

After being treated to Turkish dancing and African music, the main performance, incorporating music, dancing and drama, followed the title “Longing to Belong”, celebrating difference and diversity. The performers included a local group of adults with learning difficulties, and the look of pride and achievement on their faces at the end was absolutely priceless – and I am in awe of the teachers and pupils for putting the production together.

It is very easy to be “liberal” when you have the educated and economic freedom to be so inclined. It is also easy to fall for the misconception that you are worldly and open-minded just because you went to school or university with a culturally, ethnically and religiously diverse group of people. We need to be finding and supporting schemes that educate and allow everyone to live together in a mutually respectful environment. And the arts are an ideal way in which to effect this, for 2 reasons.

First, because education is about so much more than passing academic exams and going to university. It is about learning about the world around you; how each of us is a part of it, and has the ability to mould it and make a difference. It is about instilling in each individual a love of life and people and learning – and the desire to be a participating citizen. It is about realising the skills and abilities of every person and encouraging them to blossom. And this is not something that comes from memorising your times tables. A creative, extra-curricular hobby is an ideal way of teaching these values. Having the opportunity to showcase and develop creative skills is invaluable. It is complementary to the national curriculum; I know that when I took up kickboxing, I learned one of the most important lessons of my life: that anything is possible, but it takes time, perseverance, patience, dedication, belief and hard work.

Second, because, in contrast to other social and professional situations, involvement in the arts (in theory) transcends the socially-imposed barriers that divide us in the first place. In the boxing ring, the orchestra or on the stage, we are all willing participants, working together towards a common goal – what is more precious than this, and what better blueprint for living our lives can there be?

14 July 2007

Facing the Facebook (R)evolution


Who remembers life before the internet? An early convert, I remember when I lived in Paris – 10 years ago (eek!) - how frustrating it was that no one except my dad and a handful of university friends would communicate with me by e mail. I had just spent 4 months in Florida, and hated having to communicate with my American friends via a combination of a postal service that took 5 days, or pre-scheduled telephone calls.

Fast forward 10 years. The internet is now my primary form of communication. I use it for everything: for reference, research, several-times-daily communication with friends abroad; I use it to book travel and for most of my purchases: books, music, vitamins, superfoods, underwear (Myla, please, for anyone who wants to buy me a gift), men…

And then along came Facebook; the ultimate displacement activity tool for those serial procrastinators among us. I love it, and if any of you are wondering why we blog less than we used to, it’s because we’re too busy messing around on Facebook.

I don’t want to enter into any of the pretentious debates about Facebook that are currently appearing in the media over here. I think all those journalists are embarrassingly several steps behind the zeitgeist, and need to get over themselves. For god’s sake! It’s a social networking site, to be used (or not) as you wish (and most critics succumb in the end). Users have control over the content they share as well as their own privacy, and can choose to allow – or indeed block – anyone they wish into their network.

I’m also not interested in the – now dated – debate about the deterioration of communication and physical social interaction: we’re all busier now; we travel more and work longer hours; this has as much necessitated technological growth as it has resulted from the ever-developing modes of “virtual” communication. Blah blah blah – the upshot is that this is our reality now – get with it.

What I am interested in, however, is the extent to which Facebook (and to some extent, blogging) is eroding formerly rigid social barriers. Perhaps this is a specifically British concern, but as the popularity of Facebook has grown over here, any social reticence and desire for privacy we once had has started to disappear.

Some examples:

Last night, I was at a party. As I arrived, around 1am (busy weekend), I was accosted by a guy who was leaving:

“Oh – you must be D! I recognise you from your Facebook pictures! Shame we didn’t get to meet properly – A said she’d introduce us. I have to leave now, but never mind – I’ll message you on Facebook on Monday morning! Great boots you were wearing in those pictures, by the way, hahaha!”

And then this afternoon, my friend C called, to invite me to a brunch she is hosting at the end of the month. Before she hung up, she said (and I could practically hear her winking): “By the way, my friend M from Switzerland will be in London that weekend. He’d love to meet you – he saw your picture in my list of Facebook friends and says you have a lovely smile.”

Perhaps more astonishingly, a couple of guys from the dating website have – and I have no idea how – somehow tracked me down on Facebook, and are sending me messages. And in the last few weeks, I keep on receiving unsolicited “pokes” and friend requests from people I don’t even know – they see your profile in different groups and try to befriend you.

There’s nothing wrong with any of this: I ignore the creepy ones, message/flirt with the ones I think are fun, meet the ones I find interesting – and don’t accept friend invitations from people who are not my friends! But somehow, the casualness and familiarity that results from conducting your life from the end of a computer is spilling over into real, physical interaction. And actually, I rather enjoy it. I choose not to restrict my profile on Facebook; anything I have to hide, I simply don’t share it… and I rather like the idea of being seen. I like people being direct and forward, and although it’s a bit creepy that people I don’t know have checked out my profile – and admitted it to me! – before approaching me, I have to admit, I kind of like it.

Similarly with the blog: this is a creative outlet for me, and I have only shared the address with my friend J (recently-alluded to male platonic friend, upon whom I have bestowed the dubious honour of being my unofficial dating advisor; he has witnessed my greatest neuroses, and I figured there are thus no further secrets from him; he may as well read the bloody blog). Although most of the readers don’t know me, I still control what I share about my life (this is only a projected fraction); I choose not to share particularly difficult issues until they have been resolved, and out of respect, I protect the identities of, and don’t overtly share information about, the people I really care for (um, oh dear, apart from my mum and Evil Bitch Sisters). But there’s still something that delights me about the voyeuristic aspect of sharing some of my self, my thoughts and my life on this blog.

Facebook is unnecessarily feared and ridiculed by too many people. It is what you want it to be: a bit of fun and a way to keep in touch with lots of people at once (which is what it is to me) or – to some of my friends with high profile jobs – a bit of career publicity/propaganda. You can be as private or as public as you wish, and share or hide whichever information you wish. And indeed by watched by people you wish…

Oh, and that guy I bumped into at A’s party? Great guy. Witty, intelligent, charming, lots of opinions to share and stories to tell, fun, ambitious, attractive, confident, direct, persistent, etc… dammit, he’s only another bloody right-wing lawyer with offensive, xenophobic views on immigration, desperately seeking a Stepford wife.

Next!



07 July 2007

Questions To Ponder Over


How do you distinguish between genuineness and sincerity on the one hand, and bullshitting and fuckwittery on the other?

How can you be sure that the lovely things that are said to you come from the heart, and are true and real – and not being fed to other people at the same time?

Do you carry on looking for something if you’ve already found it; and when the results of that search repeatedly reinforce your gut feeling?

Which is worse: to take a leap of faith because your heart, head, mind and gut tell you to – and these end up being wrong and you get hurt? Or to put up the barriers, run away and risk losing the most significant, rewarding and irreplaceable opportunity of your life?

How can you be sure that while you sit pondering, someone else is not benefiting from the very thing you desperately want and are holding out for? How can you be sure that the opportunity that could be on its way to you will not be diverted to someone else because it was never meant for you in the first place?

What happens if you wait for something that is being sent to you and it gets lost in transit and never finds you, either because it no longer wants to, or because someone else has stolen it?

I consider myself to be a very good judge of character, and my gut feelings never fail me… but I’m absolutely petrified.

03 July 2007

On Blair and Brown



Irritatingly, the thoughts I wrote on Tony Blair’s departure and Gordon Brown’s leadership have vanished into cyberspace, and no, I didn’t back it up, and yes, I am a fool for not doing so.

Here are a few hastily reconstructed and crudely paraphrased points instead:

A bizarre, seemingly pointless and poorly written article appeared in the Sunday Times a couple of weeks ago by an outspoken critic of Blair (his name momentarily escapes me), basically saying that Blair’s dealings in Iraq etc were unforgivable and will overshadow his achievements, but hey, he smiled a lot, introduced Cool Britannia (if fleetingly) and engineered a new governmental trend in spin over substance (actually, I think that was Peter Mandelson in the ‘80s, but whatever), plus his almost evangelical belief that he was carrying out the will of God in Iraq was touching. And for that reason alone, isn’t Tony Blair a lovely man?!

I spent ages thinking about this, and – once I had stopped fuming and ranting – had to concede that I don’t entirely disagree with this, as uncomfortable as it makes me feel. However, I think that this is more indicative of how shallow our culture has become than it is testament to the greatness of Tony Blair.

I vividly remember the 1997 General Election. I stayed up all night watching it on TV with my cousin, and dancing round the flat at 6am when the Blairs arrived at Number 10, belting out D:ream’s Things Can Only Get Better, as my cousin sat sulking and chain smoking (he is a Tory, unfortunately), and those scenes really sum it up for me. We were always waiting for things to get better, and they kind of did, in the sense that Labour’s victory after 18 years of Tory government brought with it euphoria, optimism and promises of renewal and change. We had a handsome, young, cool new leader who used to have long hair and play in a rock band and who invited Noel Gallagher to Downing Street. Everything was about the “people”, and we somehow neglected to notice that behind the soundbites (remember “Education, Education, Education” anyone?) there was very little substance.

XXX

I ALWAYS say this, but I think that 1997 was a very interesting year culturally. Significant changes were coming about: in journalism, a new discourse was emerging, in which journalists turned their writing inwards and started writing about their lives (John Diamond writing about his battle with cancer in the Times on Saturday; Ruth Picardie writing a similar article in the Observer; Helen Fielding in the Independent – a column which was later developed into Bridget Jones’s Diary). Our growing interest in other people’s lives was displayed in the (then) astonishing scenes of mass public mourning following the death of Diana, Princess of Wales. Ten years on, we have become so media and PR savvy that it would be inconceivable now for the Royals to be so unprepared for such a reaction. Our interest in other people’s lives has grown to such an extent that our lives are practically one big reality TV programme. Everyone is a celebrity. Heat Magazine and Big Brother are only part of it. It’s all about the outer face rather than the inner substance. And perhaps that is why – even after Iraq – our enduring memory of Tony Blair is of his smiling face and he will be remembered fondly by a lot of people.

XXX

Gordon Brown is a different man, and I suspect one of more substance. Let’s see what his leadership brings.

_____

Addendum: I have been sitting in a coffee shop writing this, and had to leave hastily to use the loo in an adjacent bookshop, as someone was caught shooting up in the bathroom here (even Starbucks is not immune from insalubrious activity!). As I scrambled up the stairs en route to the bathroom in the bookshop in embladdered discomfort (breaking a toenail in the process – it really hurts, and I will now have to find alternative footwear to the strappy sandals I had intended to wear to Henley on Saturday), I stumbled upon a new biography, entitled something like “Gordon Brown: Prime Minister”. See? The man hasn’t even been in power for a week, and we already can’t get enough of his private life.

28 June 2007

Insomnia


We are praying for something else now; have become something else ourselves. For even at the point at which it all falls apart, when the battle is lost, when our fate is sealed, when the wound is fresh and we already know we will bear the scars forever- even then – we cannot help but hope.

There are no words, she says, and proceeds to fill the room with words, talking endlessly. The words rise up out of her and fill the room. They break away from each other and dissolve into nothingness. They circle me, strangle me. She speaks for me so I don’t have to, and I am grateful for her words.

Now, as then, what I feel cannot be expressed in language. It is a look, a touch, a curiosity, a desire, a warmth, an understanding, a gut feeling. There are no words for me any more; I don’t know how to put them back together, need the comfort still of their barrier.

Speak

I can’t.

26 June 2007

Blair's Legacy

To follow shortly. My evil new laptop is rebelling against me in that blood-pressure elevating manner that can only be the work of modern technology. I am working on it... we can't let our Tone step down from office without passing comment... and judgment.

D x