2006: The Round-Up

OK. Have stopped sulking and feeling sorry for self long enough to produce a summary of some of my highlights of 2006. Voila:


Greatest achievement of 2006: (revealing my core vanity and vacuousness here, but) getting down to a size 6. Only 49 remaining aspirations to achieve now on my list of 50

Biggest regret of 2006: I don’t believe in regrets, but if I did, I guess it would have to be the untimely demise of my breasts (see above)

Best fashion moment of 2006: the welcome return of puffballs, ra-ras, fishnets, leggings, legwarmers, fingerless fishnet gloves, skulls, metallics, and various other items that I can foresee looking back at the photos of myself in a year’s time thinking "what the fuck?", but can momentarily get away with

Worst fashion moment of 2006: accidentally exposing my left nipple to a room full of sexually repressed male colleagues

Most careless and gruesome accident of 2006: nearly cutting off my little finger with a kitchen knife while attempting to de-stone an avocado, having bloodcurdling screams ignored by selfish neighbours and having to be rushed to A&E by Male Model

Most fun and inspired Sunday afternoon activity in 2006: hosting a Topshop party at home – shopping, champagne, girlfriends and 2 style advisers, all without stepping out of your front door – it doesn’t get much better than that

Most important items lost in 2006, due to innate – and probably incurable - scattiness: make-up bag (the little one, containing everyday essentials; total value – around £300), running trainers that had run 2 marathons in, Laura Mercier eyebrow brush that I have tried to replace several times, but annoyingly all the Laura Mercier Counter assistants in department stores across London are denying ever existed, mobile phone (in black cab, last week)

Most carefree and childish moment of hilarity and wild abandon of 2006: dancing round K’s kitchen with S, pretending to be Maria Von Trapp, belting out the entire soundtrack of The Sound of Music, while simultaneously taking the piss out of Andrew Lloyd Webber. The entire weekend.

Best magazine of 2006: Grazia, hands down. But hey it used to be Heat Magazine, so I surely deserve some credit for at least ensuring that I have now progressed to reading trashy mags intended for my own age group, and which contain some news items that don’t include Z-list celeb sightings

Celeb sightings in 2006: (excluding MPs): Russell Brand (swoon! – at Gilgamesh), India Knight (also at Gilgamesh, on a separate occasion. I am clearly either v trendy or frequent v pretentious N.London soirees), Michael "utter fruitcake and pointless waist of space" Barrymore (in Hampstead), One of the Maria contenders from How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria (in Belsize Park), Princess Beatrice (at the Tatler Black Book party)

Most Memorable Diane and Michael Moment in 2006: When they won that award for This Week at that pointless Channel 4 political awards ceremony, and stood on stage gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes, with Michael making some lame joke about people watching porn. Not as good as the Diane-Michael moment on 7 July last year when they were deconstructing the London bombings, and Diane was getting carried away going on about how she bumped into some of the "mayor’s officials" after the Live 8 Concert, and how they – and I quote – ended up "drinking champagne in a top London hotel"… at which point, Portillo interjected, to quip: "just another day in socialist Britain!" It was one of those classic moments you couldn’t script. When oh when will those 2 get it on?

I have countless resolutions for 2007. Here are a few of them:

1. Get a new job. ASAP.
2. Stop compulsively plucking facial hairs (my friend S is reading this, and I know she will be applauding!)
3. Tone down aggressiveness, not swear so much and develop aura of calm and patience (I give this one about a week)
4. Not argue with sisters (doing v well so far, as they are both abroad at moment, and neither of them is talking to me anyway)
5. Reduce visits to Topshop to maximum of 2 a month. When making clothes purchases, carefully consider practicality and necessity of each item, before making balanced decision and returning to store the following day, rather than calling every branch of every store in London with Grazia Magazine page references, making unreasonable demands for reservation and delivery, then rushing to store, knocking down innocent shoppers in aggressive determination to bag said item, which will invariably lie shamefully in dark corner of cupboard
6. Stop obsessing over weight and never ever ever allow food diary or multi-tiered daily vitamin holder to be seen in public again. Never admit existence of either to any living soul (blog readers aside!)
7. Reduce gym sessions to maximum 5 times a week and for no longer than 2 hrs at a time. Substitute 2 sessions for street jazz dance classes
8. Not run a mile every time a man shows interest in me (it doesn’t happen v often, so shouldn’t be too difficult to achieve!)
9. Stop being complete slave to trashy culture. Read more books and articles that are more intellectually weighty than Heat Magazine. Attend more theatre productions and art exhibitions without having to be dragged there by F (who is cultural goddess)
   

And so begins another year…