Overheard: a conversation between a man and woman (friends or siblings, I decided), while sitting outside Fresh and Wild in Camden this weekend, enjoying the fleeting sunshine. The woman has been moaning at some length about her boyfriend’s inability to commit.
Man: Well, I think that the majority of people in relationships just… kind of… drift. They don’t want to think about where it’s going; they just want to live in the moment, because it’s easier to carry on without engaging in scary questions about the future:
Woman, clearly still harbouring utopian fantasies about living happily ever after with her boyfriend, mumbles something in protest.
Man: I think that the population is divided 70-30. There are those 30% of people who know what they want, and are absolutely sure that they want to be with their partners for life [PS, I interject here, to add that my friend I thinks it’s more like 5%. Personally, I think it would be a miracle if that figure was even 1%.] The other 70% simply don’t know what they want and are just in the relationship because carrying on is easier than questioning it and opting out.
Woman looks like she is about to faint. Ever the cynic, I suppress a smug smile as I carry on eating my sunflower seeds, and squint at them behind my oversized sunglasses.
Woman: But you’re in a serious, committed relationship. You’re in the 30% surely…
Man: I change my mind all the time. I can be in the car and I’ll turn one corner and think “yes, I definitely want to marry her and have children with her”, and then I’ll turn another corner and think “no, it’ll never last”. But it’s too much headf*ck to think about it too deeply, so I just carry on in the relationship, not sure where it’s going or whether I actually want to be with her.
Man: Well, I think that the majority of people in relationships just… kind of… drift. They don’t want to think about where it’s going; they just want to live in the moment, because it’s easier to carry on without engaging in scary questions about the future:
Woman, clearly still harbouring utopian fantasies about living happily ever after with her boyfriend, mumbles something in protest.
Man: I think that the population is divided 70-30. There are those 30% of people who know what they want, and are absolutely sure that they want to be with their partners for life [PS, I interject here, to add that my friend I thinks it’s more like 5%. Personally, I think it would be a miracle if that figure was even 1%.] The other 70% simply don’t know what they want and are just in the relationship because carrying on is easier than questioning it and opting out.
Woman looks like she is about to faint. Ever the cynic, I suppress a smug smile as I carry on eating my sunflower seeds, and squint at them behind my oversized sunglasses.
Woman: But you’re in a serious, committed relationship. You’re in the 30% surely…
Man: I change my mind all the time. I can be in the car and I’ll turn one corner and think “yes, I definitely want to marry her and have children with her”, and then I’ll turn another corner and think “no, it’ll never last”. But it’s too much headf*ck to think about it too deeply, so I just carry on in the relationship, not sure where it’s going or whether I actually want to be with her.
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And you know what, Girls? I don’t find this jaded or depressing. I think this is normal. People don’t know what they want, and that’s fine. We all have issues, and a bit of headf*ck and confusion is fine by me. One certainly doesn’t reach one’s 30s without having “issues” (just ask my analyst, hahaha). I don’t believe the perfect person or the perfect relationship exists, but I believe that occasionally, someone a bit special may come along, for whom – for some inexplicable reason - you’re willing to suspend your cynicism and commitmentphobia and make a go of it. I’m not prepared to do it for just anyone (hence removing myself from the dating website and the dating scene in general), but I know when someone special has walked into my life. And until (or, indeed, if ever) he decides to get a grip, I am going to invest in the people who may be exasperated by me sometimes, but who love and adore me unequivocally and are prepared to invest in me: my Girls!
And you know what, Girls? I don’t find this jaded or depressing. I think this is normal. People don’t know what they want, and that’s fine. We all have issues, and a bit of headf*ck and confusion is fine by me. One certainly doesn’t reach one’s 30s without having “issues” (just ask my analyst, hahaha). I don’t believe the perfect person or the perfect relationship exists, but I believe that occasionally, someone a bit special may come along, for whom – for some inexplicable reason - you’re willing to suspend your cynicism and commitmentphobia and make a go of it. I’m not prepared to do it for just anyone (hence removing myself from the dating website and the dating scene in general), but I know when someone special has walked into my life. And until (or, indeed, if ever) he decides to get a grip, I am going to invest in the people who may be exasperated by me sometimes, but who love and adore me unequivocally and are prepared to invest in me: my Girls!
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