On Beauty

It is one of life’s greatest injustices that my talents as a potential beauty editor remain as yet dormant and undiscovered. However, the advantage of being a blog contributor is that I get to inflict my knowledge and expertise (tongue firmly in cheek, here!) on all who may care to read on.

(Note: I did consider expanding my mini guide further into clothing and fashion buys, and to this end, I ventured into the West End after Saturday's gym session (all in the name of research, you understand). However, with the sales on and my bank balance already strained a week into the new year, this proved too dangerous. I finally had to abandon the operation when I nearly got into a catfight with a young teen in Topshop over the last pair of silver foil-esque leggings (yes, I know, it was a v foolish move; I have now ordered them online – much safer). )

(Note 2: Echoing the words of Nigella some years ago, when she wrote the beauty column in the Saturday Times magazine (for which she was completely unqualified, and which read like an advertorial for Eve Lom and Laura Mercier), this study is necessarily subjective; these are merely the products that work for me.)

So: here are my top tips:

Best Cleanser: Eve Lom. I have it on good authority from my friend J, who is rather partial to her facials, that EL herself is “a bit of a superbitch” – but no matter; the woman is a skincare guru and her cleanser – which I have been using since 2000 – is simply outstanding, even if you can’t be arsed to do that tiresome and time-consuming 7-step skin pinching thing every night

Best Moisturising Products for Face and Eyes: A tricky one, this. As I have previously indicated, I am the ultimate consumer. I adore shopping, I love acquiring new things, and I am a total sucker for anything with pretty packaging that promises to make you look younger and more beautiful. As a consequence, my bathroom resembles Selfridges’ make-up hall and my pores are clogged with useless chemicals.

These are my favourites:

• OC8: Sentational. Mops up the T-Zone oil that is so irritatingly characteristic of combination skin such as mine. You can use it over foundation, as an alternative to moisturiser, and at a mere £10, it is a bargain. (Bloody difficult to get hold of, though.)
  
• Nars: Balancing Moisture Lotion. Just a great moisturiser that makes your skin all lovely and soft and smooth and plump. And I adore the Nars brand.
  
• Nars: Super-Acqua Serum (or similarly entitled). An outstandingly brilliant product. Just amazing. It's made up of 85% water (I told you I believe everything I'm told by beauty experts), and while one may wonder why one has to pay £65 for a small tub of something that comes out of any tap for free, I can assure you that this product has worked wonders on my ravaged-by-constant-flying skin. I never fly without it, and nothing else even remotely measures up. Really.
  
• Eve Lom Day Cream: This is what I am currently using. With its all-important SPF 15, it provides my skin with the extra moisture the cruel, windy winter British climate has robbed me of. Plus, as my skin continues to age at an alarming rate, I find myself increasingly drawn towards Eve Lom's firmly-held belief that we don't necessarily need every product all the time - ie, just a little bit of help here and there. A thrifty piece of advice if ever I heard one
  
• Eve Lom TLC Cream: Simultaneously a dose of Vitamin C, a skin-hangover cure, a cheater's alternative to 8 hours of sleep, a flying remedy and an undereye cream. And god knows I am in desperate need of all the above. Superb.
  
• Nars: Nourishing Eye Cream: Haven't used it for ages, but love the product

Best Cheaters' Products to a Glowing Complexion: V predictable verdict here, but here goes:

• Nars: Brightening Serum: Fabulous product. It is slightly irridescent, and can be used all over the face, mixed with foundation or just used as a highlighter. Oh, and it's Nars (again)...
  
• Becca: Does a similar product, and I used to use the white one, until Space NK stopped stocking it and I have not been able to find it since (grrr). Nothing has ever quite measured up to the Becca highlighter
  
• Clarins: Beauty Flash Balm - and the one for eyes as well. A staple of any make-up bag. I usually use it to freshen up after a flight, especially if I have fallen asleep and half my face has rubbed off onto my inflight pillow - it cleverly gives the illusion of a happy, healthy glow
  
• Origins: Never a Dull Moment – a zingy, zesty scrub; great for first thing in the morning. Gives you a fresh glow
  
• Yves Saint Laurent: Touche Eclat. Rightly a cult classic. Just watch out for camera flashes – if overapplied, it can make you look old and ghostly in photos
  

Best Blemish Zapper: Back to Eve Lom. Her Rescue Mask is an absolute life saver for oily blemishes and red blotchiness. Her Dynaspot works similarly, but is applied to specific blemishes. I would not be without either product

Best Make-Up Bases: Laura Mercier, all the way. I don’t even use foundation. Her tinted moisturiser – with SPF 15 offers me enough coverage (as I have no desire to look like a masked Oompa Loompa, like my sister), and used with the concealers (see below), you can create a beautifully flawless base

Best Concealer: I use Laura Mercier’s Secret Concealer under my eyes. As someone who never sleeps and who is fast aging, it takes a miracle product to conceal the dark circles under my eyes, and this concealer is just excellent. For blemishes and red patches, I use Laura Mercier’s Secret Camouflage – brilliant product, as you can mix two shades together to match your skin tone. I also recently tried YSL’s undereye concealer, which I thought was good, but looked a bit caked on – I am not that bloody old, after all

Best Eyebrow Shadow: Laura Mercier (again). She does these great dual-shade palettes, and I use the auburn one – after years of eyebrow plucking disasters that I was only ever able to rectify with grey or brown shades, I have finally found the perfect colour for my hair and skin tone. It lasts for ages as well

Best Blushers, Eyeshadows and Eyeliners: I go for colour, quality and brand-funkiness, so it’s Nars and Shu Uemura all the way, with my current preference for Shu Uemura’s cheek colours (way more flattering shades for me) and eyeliners (they glide on beautifully, and I also love their Ice-Pink white eyeliner for inner eyelids – a far better colour and texture than Nars’ version) and Nars’ eyeshadows, especially the dual palettes. They have funkier colours and I love the quirky names

Best Lip Colours: I don’t wear lipstick (although I’m on the hunt for the perfect red; not an easy quest when you are a pale-skinned redhead and red lipsticks tend to make you look like a clown), but I adore lipgloss and my home and office are littered with dozens of tubes of the stuff. I tend to wear one at a time, for months on end, before making a new discovery and switching my allegiance. Currently, I’m wearing MAC’s Plushglass in Fulfilled, and I love it

Best Nail Polish: For sheer cult status alone, it has to be Chanel. Remember Rouge-Noir in the mid-nineties? And the recent, limited edition Black Satin? Fabulous. (Little-known fact here, which causes much amusement to friends who discover this for the first time, but I am actually a qualified nail technician! I took a course about 10 years ago, before acrylics and gels etc became fashionable and I had outrageously long and terribly impractical fingernails that I had pierced)

Best Beauty Treatment: People absolutely balk when I recommend this above every possible beauty treatment in the world – and my mother was particularly horrified and disgusted when I told her this was my number one beauty treatment – but I swear by colonic hydrotherapy. Not only is it the best detoxifying treatment (which thus improves the condition of your skin and hair), but once you have cleared out your colon, you absorb nutrients more effectively, which will ultimately improve the health and condition of all your organs. Once your insides are healthy, you will look fabulous on the outside, too (unless you’re hideously and irredeemably ugly, that is)

Best Hair Products:

• Shampoo: My hairdresser is banging on about Kerastase at the moment, so I’ll give it a mention, although I haven’t tried it myself. The best shampoo I ever used was truly excellent: Philip B’s White Truffle Shampoo, but I absolutely cannot justify the £35 price tag. Currently, I use one of the following: Phillip Kingsley (I have several of his ranges), Burt’s Bees (ditto), Bumble & Bumble. All are adequate; it’s really the conditioner you have to take care over
  
• Conditioner: I absolutely love Aveda’s Madder Root colour conditioner for auburn hair. Love it. Despite the alarming and unwelcome emergence of the odd white hair, I have not yet had to colour my hair (since the Blue Hair and Pink Hair and – briefly – blonde hair disasters when I was at university), as this gives my hair the helping hand it needs
  
• Hair Styling Products: Sebastian for straightening and Tigi for post blow drying funking up. I use Elizabeth Arden’s Eight-Hour Cream in emergencies
  

And I dread to think what my bathroom cabinet would be worth if I auctioned it off...