In which F feels a bit sheepish

Ok, I have an admission to make. After smugly blogging about my excellent negotiation skills, it all fell apart a bit. Last week, I saw older man on Monday night (when we reached our agreement); Tuesday night, when he turned up at the pub quiz, and we all partied on at J's til about four in the morning; Thursday night, when he unexpectedly turned up at The Parlour, where I was meeting J and H for a drink. On Thursday, my friend M came into The Parlour at about seven to find me sitting hand in hand with an unknown man. Her curiosity was piqued. M and I went off for tapas in town together, and M quizzed me about older man. How long had I been seeing him? What with the situation? Did I fancy him? Could we chat together? (Answers: 3 weeks, no strings, yes, yes). M asked me why I was resisting his requests for a relationship. I wondered why I was resisting his requests for a relationship. Then I remembered some wise words from the least likely pin-up girl for heterosexual coupledom, L, who told me that if I really wanted to have a partner and kids within five years (cf my narcissism questionnaire) I should stop shagging young boys and find someone "nice". Older man is "nice." M and I moved on from the tapas bar to the Duke of York, which was heaving, it being the first evening of the long Easter weekend. Older man was there. We chatted, we kissed, I knew I liked him. I went outside for a cigarette with J. "I think I might like older man" I confess. J is shocked. Later, older man, J, M, and another random colleague I bump into in the street, D, all get a cab back together. Older man is v quiet: I regale cab with tales from my youth. Cab in hysterics (it's the booze). Older man and I get out at my flat. Older man tells me how warm and funny and wonderful I am. Is hard not to enjoy hearing that. We stumble back to my flat. I get older man some water. "Have you got a straw to help me drink it?" he asks like a five year old, and begins hiccuping. I help him off with his clothes and lie next to him, reminding him to drink the water every five minutes as it will help him not be sick. We lie together chatting about the evening. It is very cosy. Older man asks me if colleague D will be shocked he got out of cab with me. "No," I say. "He will just assume we're going out together." There is silence. "Are we going out together?" asks older man. "Does that mean not snogging or sleeping with anyone else?" I ask. "Yes" says older man. "Oh, Ok, let's give it a go" I say. "You've made my year" says older man.
The next day I fly back to London. I'm missing older man now. I hope he feels the same way. I'm scared he's changed his mind. Goddamn, am I in a relationship??!!