Kiss and Tell

Journey back to Devon was fine, but something amusing happened on the train I thought I would share with you. It was a fairly crowded train, full of braying posh people (always AMAZES me how many posh people are on trains to Devon. I notice, however, very few of them make the change to dire plebian Paignton train at Newton Abbot. They are picked up in 4x4s in either Exeter or Totnes). Actually this reminds me of something very funny I overheard last time I was on the train: yummy Mummy got on, carrying baby in carry cot in one hand, with four suitcases in other hand. Porter came behind her carrying yet more stuff and blonde girl of about seven skipped along with small pink bag behind them. She spent ages rummaging around in her purse before saying to the porter (probably a "Customer Services agent" these days) "I'm frightfully sorry, I've no change at all, but if you have a fiver, I'll give you this tenner!" He said oh don't worry about it and got off train. The blonde child danced around and said " Mummy, Mummy, shall i go and find us seats in first class?" Mummy replied, rather curtly, "no darling, we have our seats reserved here". Child replied "but why Mummy? There's no room here Mummy" and Mummy replied "because bloody Daddy was too mean to buy us seats in first class!" I assume normally they travel 1st class courtesy of his work: obviously on this occasion major slumming was required. Amazingly she got off at Taunton (but I expect they have country cottage in depths of Somerset countryside).

Anyway what happened this time was even better. I was sat opposite a girl who was very pretty and had a sweet face, but who unfortunately was wearing far too much orange foundation. She also had lots of blonde highlights, French manicured nails, lots of black eyeliner and was covered in fake tan. She was just sat reading OK magazine when her mobile rang. Here is conversation (her responses only obviously).

"Hello?"

"Hello, who is this?"

A laugh and a blush. Her hand flies to her mouth. "Excuse me, but how do you know this?"

"No, no, sorry, I couldn't do that."

"Well, no, we're still friends, I couldn't do that to him..."

"Yeah ok thanks Debbie, bye".

The girl sits looking shell shocked for a minute, then instantly rings another friend.

"Oh my God, you won't believe what's happened to me, Debbie Manderly from the People has just rung up..she wants me to sell my story...but how does she know... no, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I couldn't do it to him, but how much money do you think I'd get. She said it would help me break into modelling. But I don't want to be a model. And she said she thought I did. I mean, who's told her about me and (voice went mumbly at this point, but think said) Darren/Darien sthg similar."

Then rang off from that phone call and rang Tom. Tom is her flatmate, who is at work.

"Tom guess what yadda yadda"

She and Tom hatch plan. Tom is going to ring Debbie back (Debbie is persistant and has texted her phone number to Emily, the girl) and say he is Emily's flatmate and see how much money they will offer for the story third hand.

We are all in suspense. Phone rings. Tom has spoken to Debbie. She seems like a hard nosed bitch apparantly who is not at all surprised that Tom would consider doing this. Emily and Tom discuss tabloid cycnicism. Emily wonders if she would have any respect. Transpires Tom, if he could supply photos of Emily and a description of what she told him about their "night of love" would get four grand. As Emily says, that's not bad for third hand.
Emily sits in silence for a while. Then she rings her Mum. "Guess what Mum, yadda yadda" Conversation as follows "Tom told them I'm in Torquay for the weekend. Oh do you think Tom would sell the story, no. No Mum I couldn't do it, 'cos I do still like him. he still speaks to me. But can I trust Tom, mum? Why did I tell Tom? Do you think I should, really? Really?"

At this point unfortunately her signal broke up. Other than raising my eyebrows at her when some nutter started ranting loudly at the conductor about how awful it was this train didn't go all the way to Penzance, made no contact with her and she spoke to no-one else but went back to doing some v boring looking work.

I wonder if Tom will sell her story?