Marathon Aches and Pains

The London Marathon 2006:

Exasperating Highlights: All the bloody fun runners. Arrived at Charing Cross station to find a man wearing a wall of balloons on his back. He asked everyone on the train to help him blow up more balloons. Apparently last year he ran with a foot long wall of teddy bears (why???) on his back, but it was too heavy, so he decided to go for balloons this year. He was a v small man, and I was slightly concerned that with all the balloons on his back, he would take off into the air. Luckily, no such incident was reported. Another man on the train was planning to dress as a "fat, jolly policeman" (again: why?). One man was hitting golf balls for the entire distance, which was v annoying for people who wanted to run seriously.

Most Infuriating Moment: That bastard armadillo (fun runner again, not a real one, obviously) who overtook me in the NY Marathon turned up again (except that it is actually a rhinoceros, apparently). Had a few competitive minutes, as we tried to outrun each other; thankfully I eventually overtook him.

Most Humiliating Moment: Losing my battle against the 20 people dressed as a giant millipede. Not only did they get in my way, so that I missed seeing my friends M, D, J & K as we ran over Tower Bridge, but they overtook me. And - oh god, this is soooo humiliating - when I got home, 2 people called to say they had seen me on TV running next to that bloody millipede. Even worse - they showed a rear view. Not sure whether to be flattered or horrified that my arse is so easily identifiable amongst some 40,000 runners.

Best Marathon Moment: Overtaking Jade Goody at Mile 12. Hoorah! She looked knackered, and apparently ran the race in plimsoles and had to be carted off to hospital at 18.5 miles.

Marathon Moment F Would Find Most Amusing: Passing a runner in a charity t-shirt for premature baby unit in a Taunton hospital, being interviewed by the Beeb!

Most Pathetic Excuse From Friends For Failing to Spectate Me and Feed Me Bananas and Lucozade Along The Route as Agreed Prior to the Race: "Accidentally" ended up in pub while waiting for me to pass, and ended up getting drunk and losing track of time (thanks A, D, S and V).

State of Body Post-Marathon: Not good. Tried to stretch hamstrings, but was unable to even lift leg. Ran self a bath when I got home, but was unable to sit down in it, so had to shower. Is an effort to lower self onto toilet seat - and get up again. Injuries not helped by cruelty of fellow Londoners pushing me out of way on tube this morning, ignoring my limp so that they could get a seat before me.

State of Mind Immediately Post-Marathon: Vowed never to run another marathon again

First Action Upon Rising This Morning: Put name down for LA Marathon 2007. Bring it on!